So I have been fairly quiet for the last 18 months or so mainly as I returned to work and I have spent the last year trying to catch up with my sleep! Jovan also turned two and I am proud to say that he has become an incredibly bright, happy and giggly toddler; a far cry from what he was like as a baby, when he spent most of his time crying. BUT we are in the midst of the infamous ‘terrible twos’. They actually started when he was around 18 months and we are told they can go on for years (so be prepared!). One minute he is super cute with his puppy eyes and everyone is gushing over how adorable he is and how long his eyelashes are and then next minute something terrible seems to have happened (you would think we had just flushed his favourite toy down the toilet) and we watch helplessly wondering where our angelic boy has disappeared to. But my husband and I have got better at dealing with the tantrums (I think so, anyway!) and I thought I would share what we think has helped us so far.
Tantrums are a pretty normal part of life with toddlers. They are an expression of your child’s frustration with challenges – they may be hungry, tired or just cannot figure out a task or they do not have the vocals to express what they feel. This sparks frustration. And then anger. And then a full blown tantrum. As parents, we are helping them learn how to deal with these emotions and make amends. The following tips are how we have dealt with Jovan’s tantrums over the last few months.
1. Take a moment to first calm yourself. Take a deep breath before you attempt to deal with the situation at hand. Modelling calm behaviour can be helpful so try to use a calm tone and a sympathetic expression.
2. Redirect it. Try to create a diversion which will help calm your toddler down. Don’t have a full conversation with your toddler or try to hurry the tantrum along as this will most likely aggravate the situation. Some toddlers may calm down with a cuddle, but some may hit, throw themselves on the floor and kick or throw objects in which case it is best to ensure they are safe or not likely to hurt themselves or anyone else. We usually use Jovan’s favourite toys or books or change in location to divert his attention. Even going to the next room in the house helps and he has quickly forgotten about what upset him. If you are in public, try to ignore your toddler. However, if they becoming disruptive or may hurt themselves then try to find a private spot to help calm them down.
3. Consistent routines. Set the stage, create expectations. This is really useful as toddlers know what to expect and are less likely to get upset when they are faced with changed. Children like the rest of us, handle change best if it is expected and occurs in the context of a familiar routine.
4. Avoid temptations. Toddlers are curious little creatures and like to use all their senses to find even the best hidden object in the room. So it is best to avoid places and things that you know will trigger a tantrum. Know their limits and what you are giving them control over.
5. Encourage your child to use words and communicate with you. This will help you understand what they want and for them to express how they feel. You can also praise and reward their good behaviour and help them feel proud when they do something positive.
6. Try to be consistent with what you allow and discipline. Try not to give in as your toddler will think that it is acceptable to behave in this way in order to get their way.
Remember tantrums do not last forever and are not usually cause for concern. As toddlers mature they learn self-control and how to co-operate, communicate and cope with frustration. Less frustration will mean fewer tantrums and happier parents!
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