I love Google. You can ask it absolutely anything. It will never judge us for asking those questions we’re too afraid to say out loud in fear of others thinking we’re totally insane. In the last 6 months I’ve googled some bizarre things, some of which I’m sure make me sound like a terrible mother! I’m sure many other new mothers will agree that their Google search history makes for an embarrassing/amusing/strange read. I could draft a long list of the strange questions I’ve asked Google in the last 6 months, but I’ve picked the following 5 questions which I’m pretty sure others have asked too.
1. Can you die from lack of sleep?
This was a genuine concern I had. At one I point I wasn’t sleeping more than 2-3 hours a night, struggled to form a coherent sentence most days and looked like an extra from The Night of the Living Dead. According to Google I wasn’t dying. Apparently you have to be awake for 264 hours continuously and although it felt like I had been awake for 500 hours, I was safe.
2. What do you do with babies all day?
For the first few weeks, Baby J spent most of his days sleeping, drinking milk or pooping. But for those times he wasn’t doing one of the three, I did wonder what to do with him. He was a little too young for toys, and although he was very alert, he couldn’t see very far. So I found myself just talking and singing nursery rhymes to him for most of his awake hours. But after the 10th rendition of ‘Wheels on the Bus’ I did wonder whether I was stimulating him enough or whether I was just giving him a headache. I think I was putting too much pressure on myself to make sure how I was engaging with him was ‘right’. There’s loads of literature on Google on age appropriate toys and activities and although they’re good guidelines, I think it’s best to just enjoy doing whatever suits you and your baby.
3. What is your baby’s poop supposed to smell like?
Now this might sound like a stupid question - I mean we all know no ones sh*t smells of roses. But there were days where Baby J’s poop smelt so bad that I found myself gagging and having to wrap a scarf around my face just to finish the nappy change. The poop always looked normal, but I couldn’t work out how something so small and cute could produce a smell that just lingered for hours. He would always have this little cheeky smile on his face whilst I was cleaning him too, like a ‘I’m getting you back for all those times you sang Wheels on the Bus to me’ type of smile. According to Google, it was all pretty normal.
4. Is it possible to survive on a diet of just biscuits?
I was fortunate enough to have my husband, mother and mother-in-law cook and bring me meals in my first few weeks after giving birth. I was eating three solid meals a days and snacking on my favourite treats, all from the comfort of my bed. Then everyone went back to work and suddenly even making it to the kitchen by myself without Baby J crying seemed like an impossible task. So cooking meals was completely out of the question and biscuits became breakfast, lunch and dinner. I don’t think I’ve ever consumed so many in such a small space of time! I could inhale a packet of Maryland Cookies with just one cup of tea, no sweat. I wasn’t complaining (I love my sweet stuff) but I was a little worried I was actually turning into the Cookie Monster and I don’t think Google made me feel any better. Fast forward a few months and I’m eating tonnes better and in a good routine (and still sneaking in those cookies where I can!).
5. Why does my baby look so mad?
I’ve mentioned it in one of my previous blogs, but as a newborn, Baby J spent a lot of time frowning at everyone. Nothing anyone did made him smile. He was content and didn’t cry much, but he just had a permanent furrowed brow that just stared at everyone. The more milk I gave him, the more I sang to him and the more I cuddled him, the madder he looked. He’d often put his hands together as if he was secretly plotting against us. The only time I’d see him smile was in his sleep; clearly his dreams were more entertaining than real life. I started to think he just hated us all and probably looked forward to his naps where he wouldn’t be forced to look at our faces. Google just confused me even more and I started to feel like I was reading Psychology textbooks!
The truth is everyone uses Google - sometimes it can be very useful and other times it can make you think you only have 24 hours to live. Either way, it's okay to ask Google any crazy questions on your mind, especially as it will always generate an answer (even if it is the wrong one!) and your identity will (hopefully) be protected. I think every parent needs a little Google in their life!
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